Been There, Shouldn't Have Done That

Queer-centred advice on sex, pleasure, relationships and ambiguous ~situations~ that seem too gay to function.

Welcome to Been There, Shouldn't Have Done That, an advice column by me, Kesiena. Queer wisdom from a dumb, slutty, poly dyke who definitely has an anxious attachment problem. I’ve made the mistakes so you don’t have to.

Since I was a teenager I’ve been steadily flirting, fucking and fucking up. I’ve also been faithfully writing about every single disaster and triumph in my daily journal. At any given moment I can reach back in time and relive the evolution of every hook-up/situationship/one-night stand/relationship/friend-with-benefits/unrequited crush/heartbreak I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve kept my journal since the year 2000, and it allows me to see honestly all the thought-processes and feelings I’ve ever had regarding my sex/love life. I can see tragedies unfurling day by day, and I can see my successes too. All laid out in black and white. For every ‘jesus christ what was I thinking?!’ episode of my life, I can see what led up to it and how I got out of it. For the times I managed to not epically ruin something, I can see what I did differently. I want to use this wisdom to help you!

Even as I write this advice column, I’m inevitably going to continue making mistakes with relation to navigating the messy and wild abyss that is connecting with other people. I’m going to use all these experiences to inform the advice that I give, and hopefully I can spare some of you from sucking on the same dumb bitch juice that somehow seems to nourish me.

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Also, send me a question! Feeling confused about how to keep talking, laughing, loving, breathing, fighting, fucking, crying, drinking, riding, winning, losing, cheating, kissing, thinking, dreaming through this L of a world? You and me both. Let’s figure it out together.

Submit a question using this form via my website.

In the meantime, tell your friends!